Many people have tried to propose solutions to the conflict between Israel and the Palestinian people. US Presidents have tried and failed to propose solutions. Many great thinkers in political science and government service have ruminated on the issues involved. Some even think the problem might be completely unsolvable. Certainly new thinking will be required.
Recently, it has been suggested that maybe some one from the private sector could provide the expertise that could make the difference. And, in fact, such a person might be ready to step up to the plate. Michael Eisner has announced that once he steps down from Disney, he will devote himself full time to helping the Israeli government resolve the issues peacefully.
“Many aspects of my experience at Disney will translate beautifully to keeping peace in the Middle East”, Mr. Eisner said at a press conference. “This will give me unprecedented access to leaders on both sides to show them how to coexist peacefully.”
His first order of business will be showing the Israeli government how to perform security in a more unobtrusive manner. “Disney theme parks are one of the safest places in the world. And yet no one notices most of the security there. While the Israeli government is also well known for security, there style is much too aggressive to be successful in the environment they must live in.”
While he did not discuss too many specifics, the issue of border crossings got special attention. “One of the major problems with a future Palestinian state is the potential partitioning cause by Israeli checkpoints. Currently, many Palestinian workers can expect to wait in line for hours simply to go to work. Instead of changing the Israeli borders, which has proved nearly impossible, we plan to adapt Fast Path technology from our theme parks to ensure the waits are minimal and allow workers to have a shorter commute than most Americans.”
At this point, many at the conference expressed concern that Fast Path might make it easier for known terrorists to cross the border. Apparently this had already been considered. “Many people don’t realize that the technology that we used at our theme parks to prevent people from giving their annual passes to others has a high enough reliability to detect terrorists and criminals as well. And since it uses simple biometrics, it is fast and most people don’t even realize they’ve been placed.”
“And instead of the intimidating image of the current Israeli police force, this will allow us to use an almost unseen force to watch over the borders. By treating the majority of border crossers as guests, and easily isolating the unwelcome, I feel this will allow the Palestinians to accept the current borders and still feel in control of their lives.”
Another major point of contention is the control of
Jerusalem. Both
Israel and PLO insist that the holy sites of
Jerusalem must be under their control. This is possibly the most difficult and intractable dispute. And while Mr. Eisner could not give specifics, many felt this was the most ambitious part of his plan.
“Philosophers like Baudrillard have insisted corporate influences like Disney’s theme parks, movies, and TV have permanently changed reality. My plan is to put this to the test by allowing all religious groups to experience
Jerusalem in their own way. I can’t reveal details yet, and some will remain classified. But I feel this is the only way to placate all sides. And perhaps even make Jerusalem more inviting for Christians as well.”
Finally, an American style advertising campaign was announced. “Disney characters are beloved world wide, including both sides of this conflict. My successor has agreed to a licensing plan that will allow the new changes to be explained in a way both sides can understand. It’s time for Mickey Mouse to be an agent for peace.”
